Things I Learned While Solo Parenting Last Week
Last week it was just the kids and me as Brian was out of town for work. It was a long but great week. I learned so much about myself and parenting that will stick with me for a long time.
Slow down. I had no choice but to just go with the flow. It was such a great reminder of stopping to just BE with these two little miracles. I didn’t rush in the morning to get out the door, instead I had no choice but to start everything earlier. Get myself ready earlier, get Vincent ready earlier, breakfast, etc since it was just me and I needed to also get Siena up, fed, and ready to come along for the ride. And you know what happened, there were less tantrums and struggles.
Let go of expectations (societal & self). I am enough for my kids just the way I am! I also had to let go of any expectations of how I thought the day would go. We all know the saying, “You plan and God laughs”, it’s even more true in motherhood with toddlers and babies!
Deep Breaths. When things get chaotic, stressful, kids are pushing buttons, stop and take a deep breath before reacting/responding. So much dissipates and comes to light in that breath. It allowed me to find the patience and often times humor and respond in a way that Vincent or Siena needed. A way that would help Vincent either move through his emotions, calm down, or shift gears. ((Imagine if we all did this in our daily lives)).
Get off the phone. I really try and limit my phone use while I’m with the kids but sometimes I find myself checking email, scrolling mindlessly and not being 100% present. Well, with Brian gone, there was no time for that. I found that being able to play with them and watch them explore, interact, and use their imagination was so eye-opening. I could see Vincent’s imaginary worlds unfold with him. I saw the creatures coming across the kitchen to destroy his cars and the rescue squad gearing up to fight them. I could see Siena determined to stand, walk with her walker, and the look of accomplishment come across her face. I saw the little glimmer in her eyes as she quickly crawled to get one of Vincent’s trucks to play with because he was at school and couldn’t take it away. I watched her laugh and giggle as she tried to make it to Walker’s water bowl before I got there to pick it up. All these small little moments that could have been missed if I was distracted by something else.
The house can really wait. I really had to embrace the mess, clutter, dirty dishes, toys everywhere during the day until I the kids went to bed and I had time to clean and put it all away. And you know what - the world kept turning even with dirty dishes and toys all around.
Kids are so fun. It was so much fun to actually play with these two all day. Siena alone when Vincent was at school and then both of them. I even found myself extending Vincent’s “timer” before bed so we could keep playing together and have our special time together.
Speak with love, kindness, lightness and humor with your kids. Sometimes I find myself constantly saying “no”, “stop”, “not now” to Vincent .. last week I decided to see what happens if I didn’t use those words while still holding boundaries. And what happened amazed me. He was a completely different boy. I didn’t notice the typical defiance, push for independence and mini meltdowns/tantrums. He was so cooperative and patient. He understood that mama needed to split her time and even told me one night when Siena was having a hard time going to bed, “It’s ok mama, I can sit in my room and read books quietly while you go help Siena, then we can read 2 more books together before bed.” My heart melted and grew in that instant. We wouldn’t be ok if people demanded and yelled at us, why do we do it to our kids.
Dance parties are a must. They are an immediate mood shifter in our house and the best way to get the sillies and energy out. Such a special way to bond before school and after dinner and instantly puts everyone in a great mood.
When all else fails - add water. If they were cranky, super hyper, needed a change of pace, I put them in the bath and it was an immediate change of energy and mood. This is one of my go-tos especially in the winter or on colder days where it’s not feasible to just go outside.
I deserve and enjoy that end of the night glass of wine!
So while I initially thought I needed extra hands for the week, I am so glad that it ended up just being me. I learned more about parenting in those 4 days than I have in 3.5 years! I am so blessed beyond belief to be these little humans mama and am relishing in every moment I get to spend with them.