The First Year
Yesterday we celebrated Vincent’s first birthday. How did a whole year fly by already?? Our sweet, curious, loving, smiley, and nonstop boy has brought so much happiness and love into our lives and home. I have spent a lot of time reflecting on the year and all we have been through. Birthdays have a way of doing that, right? And while I have seen Vincent change right before my eyes and celebrated each of his little milestones along the way, the biggest change I have seen in the past year has been in me.
You, my love, have taught me more in your short life than I have learned in all my 34 years on earth.
- Patience – many things take longer, my time is no longer “my time”, “plans” are often disrupted and not executed, naps aren’t always taken, food isn’t always eaten, showers sometimes aren’t taken until after you go to bed and lately our house looks like a tornado has gone through it by 7am. But you have taught me to step back, take a deep breath, and see the blessings in the slower pace that we have adopted since you have been born.
- Self-Care – I learned that the best thing I can do for you, Brian, and myself is to take time for me. Nap when you nap. Manicures with friends. Solo trips to the grocery store. A good workout. Or simply put you in a safe space for 5 minutes and walk away when I need a break.
- Communication – it’s important in any relationship, but it becomes 100x more important once you throw a little one into the mix. I have learned to ask for help and use my voice in a whole new way… even when it is uncomfortable. I have learned to reach out to my village and rely on my friends and family wholeheartedly.
- How to trust myself – parenting does not come with a manual or a rule book and there are SO many different opinions and ways to do things. One of the most important things I learned is that I truly know what is best for you. My mama instincts are strong and always right and I should always follow my momtuition.
- Joy – I had plenty to be joyful and happy about prior to becoming your mom, but there is NOTHING like the feeling I get when looking at, watching, talking about, interacting with, or just thinking about you. ((ask your dad, I stay up most nights looking at old pictures and videos of you because I love you so much)). Not to mention, the joy it brings me to see you with your grandparents.
- Love – I thought I loved before, but somehow, someway, my heart grew and I felt and saw love like I have never before.
- Importance of living in the moment – we live in a society where we are constantly looking forward and onto the next thing. Vincent, you have forced me to live in the moment. Being a stay at home mom, there are many times where I find myself laying on our living room floor laughing with you and find myself staring at you and enjoying these fleeting moments, where time seems to stop. Everyday things that to me are mundane, to you are completely eye-opening and inspiring. I love watching you explore and discover new things for the very first time.
- Surrender – Before becoming a mom, I thought a lot about what my days would be like. What being your mom would be like and what I would expect out of my days with you. But more often than not, those expectations did not become a reality. Almost all of the time, those expectations caused more hurt, frustration, and anxiety. What I learned was that one of the best things I can do as your mom is to surrender to whatever is happening. Let you have that meltdown, take a deep breath and attack the blowout that happens in the middle of the grocery store, changing my plans for the umpteenth time because you need something I didn’t know of or couldn’t plan for. There is such grace in learning to surrender to the pace of the day which can be both chaotic and slow all within 15 minutes.
- Confidence – I have never felt more confident in my body, in myself, or in my decisions as I do now. Vincent, you have given me a new sense of self, a new purpose, and a whole new way I look at myself. I see myself in a way that I didn’t even know was possible.
- Dancing is good for our souls – and a great way to pass time and solution to fussy times.
- Comparison is the thief of joy – when we compare ourselves to other moms or our babies to other babies (especially when we talk about milestones) it robs us of the opportunity to truly be present and in the moment with our babies. We miss the little things that truly make our hearts sing.
- Almost doesn’t count – there have been too many times to count when Vincent ((almost)) got hurt, fell, or had a “near miss”… if I were to beat myself up for half of those times, there would be nothing left of me. I have adopted the “almost doesn’t count” saying. Mamas, let it go. Our babes ARE ok and close calls are going to happen! ((like the time you ALMOST fell off of the pediatrician table – in front of her - and I barely caught you))
To my sweet husband :: we did it! We made it through the first year as parents! We got through the highs and lows and there is nobody else I would have wanted to do it with. Thank you for all your support, trust, confidence, and encouragement when we were in the thick of it. For helping me know, trust, and realize that I can do this thing called {motherhood}. For rubbing my back and kissing my neck when I literally crawled back into bed after what felt like the millionth time nursing Vincent and trying to get him back to bed at 3am. Watching you become a father has been one of the greater joys in life. Vincent is lucky to call you da-da and I couldn’t be luckier to call you my husband.
To my mama and all the mamas :: I see you. I see all the work you did and are doing. I see how exhausted you are and all the sacrifices you have made. I know it can feel extremely lonely and helpless at times AND in the same heartbeat it feels like the most special, precious, and honorable job in the world. All those feelings are valid and right. Mamas, you rock!
So, my sweet boy, just as we celebrated you yesterday – your dad and I also celebrated us. We celebrated the roles we have learned to fill over the past 365 days. We celebrated the deeper sacred union that we have fallen into together (all the ups and downs of it). And we couldn’t be more excited to continue to grow alongside you in the years to come! Thank you for choosing me to be your mom.