Space & Grace
When I was pregnant I thought a lot about how I was going to parent. I read a lot of books and articles about parenting and memorized the recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics. I learned about the guidelines to follow, the importance of vaccinations, limited screen time, no sugar in the first year, using clean and green cleaning products in the home, always serving a well-rounded diet, etc. Being a first-time mom, I had a mental list of what I wanted and didn’t want to do.
If there is one major take away from the past 15 months, it’s that there is a HUGE difference between mothering and parenting the baby in your belly vs mothering the baby in your arms.
There are a lot of things Brian and I won’t compromise on; vaccinations, car safety guidelines, hygiene, etc ... but some of the things that were on my “always or never” list definitely have moved into the “sometimes” category.
On TV
Brian and I always said NO screen time. We didn’t want Vincent to be addicted to the phone or TV and we knew the negative affects both these things have on kids at such a young age. A couple weeks ago Vincent got sick. He had a week of fevers, he was super congested, and had pink eye. Then when we brought him back to the pediatrician to get checked and they found an ear infection on top of it all. Needless to say, there were some days he was just miserable, not napping, and having really disrupted night sleep. And, despite my best efforts of disinfecting the house, cloroxing everything, washing my hands every chance I could, and taking extra vitamins, and eating well... I came down with bronchitis and a sinus infection! So, we allowed some screen time. We watched nursery rhymes at 3am when he couldn’t sleep, we put them on in the late afternoon ((his witching hour)) or when he was just so miserable and couldn’t calm down. He watched more TV in those few weeks he was sick than he has in his entire life. And you know what, that’s ok. As my mom and other moms reminded me, “You do what you have to do.”
On food
When I was pregnant, I said Vincent will only eat organic. I always strive to give Vincent a really well-rounded diet. Variety of foods, exposure to new foods and love watching him explore new things. Well, during those couple of weeks when Vincent was sick, he also had zero appetite. There were days where he didn’t eat anything at all and days when all he wanted was to eat peanut butter out of the jar. It was frustrating and anxiety producing. I was constantly worried about him not getting enough calories of the nutrition he needed. Now, there are times when all Vincent wants to eat is toast with peanut butter, waffles, meatballs, or Bambas (peanut butter puffs). Like yesterday morning when we came downstairs and he went over to the cabinet, said “Up Up”, opened the cabinet and pulled out the Bambas… and had those for breakfast. There are weeks that I feel like he eats the same thing over and over and I resort to giving him the same foods that I know he’ll eat it. At least I know he is eating and sometimes, it is so much easier than fighting the dinner battle.
Then there’s the subject of Sugar. It’s so controversial right?! So much stigma. I have to admit, I was so against giving Vincent added sugars for the longest time. I was worried about disrupting his little body. I knew the negative affects sugar had on me, so why would I do that to my son? Not to mention, the countless articles I’ve read about the dangers of too much sugar. I just didn’t think he needed it. We made it to his first birthday without any added sugar, he had his first taste of (added) sugar with his birthday cake.
Then I read this blog post from Feeding Littles about sugar and my whole perspective changed. For those struggling with the sugar battle, I highly recommend reading it. I loosened up my reigns a little. Vincent has tried a bite of his dad’s birthday donut, a Christmas cookie, and lots of other things here and there. And you know what, it actually warms my heart to be able to share these special traditions with him also!
The Blessing & the biggest takeaway for me: s p a c e & g r a c e. I know you’ve heard me say that before, but it’s especially true for these things. While I am a huge advocate for having a plan, thinking about, and talking to your partner about how you’re going to parent, I’ve learned that there absolutely needs to be flexibility in that plan. That sometimes you have to do whatever you have to do to make it through, like a tv show here or there! That there is joy in sharing those special traditions and sweets with your babe. Babies are incredibly smart and intuitive – they are so good at listening to their bodies. So I have learned to listen to my babe. I have learned that after he has watched some of his nursery rhymes and calmed down, he will get up and start playing with his toys and is no longer that interested in the TV. That when he is hungry, he will eat. When he is not sick, he is more adventurous with trying new foods. That he likes some sugar and sweets and other times we’ve tried to give him some, he says “no”.
I have also learned that the mama I am, the one who lets her son watch TV, eat peanut butter puffs for breakfast, and sugar, is just as good of a mama as the “perfect” one I thought I would be when Vincent was in my belly.