Vincent's School Transition

Brian and I went back and forth for quite sometime about putting Vincent into a school program. We struggled with knowing if this was the right time, especially with unknown of Covid and everything that happened and that could continue to happen. We began to notice how Vincent was craving more socialization and interaction with kids his own age. 

We started touring a couple schools around the area. We watched Vincent RUN into each one with his eyes wide open, immediately taking to the other kids, enthralled with the toys and learning materials that each school had. We felt so confident that we were making the right choice and this in fact was the perfect time for him to start. 

We were so excited after we signed him up. We knew he was going to thrive once he started. Because our tours went so well and Vincent never wanted showed any signs of hesitation, I did not think for one minute that we would have any sort of issues with separation, drop-off, or adjusting. 

Boy, was I wrong. 

Vincent was all pumped for his first day! Brian took the day off so he could come to drop-off and pick up. He had his new backpack, we prepped him that mama & dada would be back after lunch to pick him up, and we all loaded into the car to head to school. On our way, we talked about all the fun things that he would be able to do at school.

Walked him into school, got to his classroom and cue the meltdown. Vincent was sobbing, mama was crying, and neither Brian or I saw this coming. We hugged him tight and through the tears kissed and said goodbye. 

This type of drop-off (and tears at pick up) continued for the next 5 weeks! Every school morning was a battle of tears and “Mama, I just want to stay home with you.” “Mama, I miss you too much when I’m at school.” “Mama, I don’t have fun because I want mama when you’re not there and I cry.”

My mama heart was absolutely breaking. 

It was gut wrenching to hear these words come out of my boys mouth. To watch his sweet little eyes well up with tears. I would tell Brian all the time that I was so tempted to go pick him up early. Brian reminded me this would take time, we needed to hold true to our boundaries and trust he would get there. 

On week 5, with he advice of his teachers - we ended up sending Vincent to school every day that week (instead of the 3 days he was going before). We noticed a huge shift. I am guessing a combination of getting adjusted and not having the day at home in-between school days. After that, Brian and I made the decision to enroll him 5 days a week for good. That weekend was Memorial Day Weekend and school was closed on Monday and he was asking ALL weekend “Mama, I get to go to school today and see my friends?” 

How did we get there? 

• Trusting, honoring and validating his emotions the entire way. Never once did I say, “Oh, Vincent you are fine, stop crying, no more tears…” Instead we worked really hard to let him know it was OK for him to be sad and that Mama was sad too. We gave him the space and time he needed to work his way through those feelings.

• We continued to hold the boundaries. Even when I was so tempted to drive right back to school and pick him back up, I knew that would only prolong our adjustment period and ultimately it would make Vincent think he couldn’t do it. We didn’t keep him home from school (unless he was sick).

• We continued with the QUICK drop offs. Even if Vincent was crying. I would give him a big hug and kiss and remind him I would be back after lunch for him. Most days that would be met with lots of tears or running to his teacher to be held for a while. Then, one day during that 5th week of school, it was met with Vincent running right to his friends, turning around and waving saying, “bye bye mama, love you, see you after lunch.”

• We reminded him how brave he was and how proud we all were. When Vincent would get back into the car I would recap the morning. “Vincent, you were so sad this morning when I dropped you off at school and you were SO BRAVE and had such a great day! Mama is SO PROUD of you.. are you so proud?” Almost always Vincent’s response would be, “Mama I was so brave and I am so proud.”

Ultimately watching my son learn to adjust to this new normal has been the most eye-opening and inspiring thing. He is 2.5yrs old! I watched him navigate these new emotions and this new experience. Vincent taught me that once again how resilient he his. He taught me to trust him and give him space to learn and adjust. 

This whole process has been such a blessing and divine timing as we are about to welcome a new baby in about 3 weeks or so. I am sure there will be a similar adjustment, but what a beautiful reminder that with trust, validation, and team work we will all adjust just fine.